Changing ourselves is hard. Having insight into why we have a particular behavior is not enough to change the behavior, unfortunately. It's an important start, and while we need to begin with insight, we then need to move into action.
Change is its own process. Here are a few of my favorite ways to create personal change:
1. Visualize the outcome and the obstacles.
Close your eyes. Imagine you have achieved a goal that's important to you. How do you feel? What impact has this change made in your life?
Routinely visualizing the outcome is a great way to increase motivation. Making a change usually requires us to give up something that we like or enjoy. Or it requires us to stop avoiding something that we need to do. Both require feeling discomfort or even fear.
Neuroscience has shown us that it's not enough to only visualize success. You are more likely to achieve your goal when you envision being successful, but also envision the obstacles that will for sure arise along the way, and how you will manage those obstacles.
This way of thinking can give you the motivation and the realism you need as fuel to make a change that will ultimately be quite meaningful to you, make you feel better about yourself, or improve your quality of life.
2. Realize that change happens in the now.
I read this one a little while ago and really like it. It's something we know, just said a bit differently. To change, we have to do the behavior we want now. TODAY. Not tomorrow.
I recently saw a guy at the gym with a tattoo that said, "Sacrifice today for results tomorrow." (The guy was in super good shape and I overheard him saying that weightlifting is a "break" for him in his normal fitness routine. 😳 Clearly he gets this principle. (And clearly we are cut from different cloth bc I would never describe weightlifting as a "break" :)).
It is easy to say, "I'll start tomorrow." But actually living change means taking action today.
3. Get curious to understand yourself better.
Knowing yourself, and how you work, is key to being able to also change how you behave or approach certain parts of your life.
What gets in the way for you? If it's a behavior you're trying to stop, what keeps the behavior going for you? What do you gain from the behavior (bc there is a gain, even if ultimately the behavior is unhelpful or even hurtful). What feelings does the behavior bring up in you? How do you feel when you imagine making a change?
When you increase your self-awareness you can learn what your triggers are and where you're most likely to make missteps. This self-understanding positions you to come up with the right set of tricks to manage yourself in the tough moments and stay on track, moving towards where you want to go.
4. Remember that starting is the hardest part, and teeny tiny mini steps will move you forward.
A fellow coach and I were talking a few years ago, and we discovered that we both use the same self-talk trick to get more out ourselves when we don't feel like doing something. We remind ourselves, "An object in motion stays in motion, and an object at rest stays at rest."
Once you have momentum, it's often pretty OK to keep going. You feel yourself reaping the rewards. But starting can be so hard. Furthermore, it can feel silly to say, "My goal today is simply to start."
But really, once you start, you will unlock energy and create the vision and the buy-in from yourself to keep going.
Similarly, breaking any bigger goals down into the most teeny-tiny minuscule steps helps us take action, and continue to take action.
When I'm REALLY having trouble getting myself going, I will often make my first goal, "Open the document. Then you get to take a break." (The "break" is usually something physical yet productive, like opening mail, bc it helps me to continue to build momentum). It may sound ridiculous, and frankly it is a bit ridiculous, but soon after I see real progress and traction. The hardest part is over.
5. Think about who you will become.
This is similar to step #1 around visioning, but this one focuses on identity. How do you want to think of yourself? How would you want your colleagues and friends to describe you? How do you want your children to describe you?
When we think about changes in terms of who they will allow us to become, we can create inspiration for ourselves that helps us to get excited about where we're going. A focus on identity also can help you get through the hard moments when you are crystal clear on who you are working to become.
Change is never easy, but positive change feels great and brings meaning to our lives.
I would love to know: What are the strategies you have used in the past that have allowed you successfully make changes in yourself?
